Or at least for now…
For the nth time, shitty circumstances have again caught me up and the conniving bastards are forcing my skinny arse to quit smoking. Or at least try to. Piss off if you’ve never caught the evil habit, partaken and thus regret the day you started. I mean, lucky you. I’m starting to turn Simpson yellow, can’t get on public transport anywhere and my lungs protest at the slightest incline – ha, probably give up completely if they saw Mount Everest. I just got my handy dandy Mr. Zippo lighter confiscated by mother dear… Yeah, mama caught my skinny arse smoking in the back yard. Anyway, this is going to be hard work, nonetheless – I had my first ciggy at 7 years old and I’m now nudging (in a gentle but alluring fashion) 22.
Word to the wise – buy shares in Wrigleys now, dump Marlboro shares. I used to smoke 3 freaking packs of those cancer sticks when I was in college. That’s about 60 ciggies a day, mister. Yeah, oral fixation, as the cliché goes. Now I’m going to try and compensate using chewing gum. Or biting my polished fingernails. Or sucking on…something. What?! Haha.
40 tabs a day to nada is going to take some doing but if I can’t, well, I can’t. It might be really arsey for a few weeks – first time I attempted to quit (for a couple of hours), I was becoming a cantankerous fishwife in seconds. Yeah, cantankerous. Like a mad whore from hell. Anyway, afterwards, I’ll be able to smell things again, stop regurgitating my lungs every morning and be hyper-critical of people who smoke. So yeah, better stay out of my way if you don’t want to be kicked in the bollocks. Oh, and I won’t worry about turning myself into a human(ish) bonfire by falling asleep pissed with a tab in hand.
Thinking about it though, what am I to do with empty beer cans? What about those empty tins of Pringles piled over there? Great ashtrays. I suppose I’ll overdose on chewing cocktail sticks. Eek, I wonder if I’ll be able to smell my pseudo-intellectual brain farts when I don’t smoke anymore?!?!
Good luck with that. I smoked marijuana mixed with tobacco for years without smoking tobacco separately – in fact, I disliked cigarette smoke. About four years ago, after I’d well and truly given up marijuana, I started smoking because I was curious about the pull of addiction. I’ve never smoked more than ten a day but, wow, it comes on softly and slowly but keeps tightening like a velvet anaconda. And that first cigarette of the morning is a wonderful thing indeed.
I find I give up for months on end and then take it up again for a while, because I’m ‘in control’ of the habit. My advice to you would be to watch for this plateau of complacency that kicks in around the end of the first month. You think you’ve got it licked, decide to reward yourself with a smoke and BAM, square one again.
Wow. Though I used to enjoy pot smoking (from time to time), I hardly do now even though it’s almost always readily available. I enjoy the thrill, especially with good company, but after three-five joints I palpitate like mad and tremble all over the place it scares me. Last time I smoked the good old grass I remember it was nearly traumatic; I almost wanted my ass to be sent to the hospital, haha. It’s pathetic, and I somehow regret having asthma. But oh well. As for the ciggies: I’m not entirely quitting – I know that a day without a cigarette is just beyond me. You know what they say, “to quit smoking is the easiest thing in the world; I’ve tried it a thousand times.” Hehehe. But I’m trying to cut the smokes down from 40 sticks to 5-10 a day, which is a massive improvement, really.
The good old cuttin’ back, eh? Then my advice (often unsolicited but always offered) is to switch away from Big Tobacco brands, like Malboro, and try an additive free brand. American Spirit are great, well worth the extra money. Or try a roll-your-own like Bali Shag. The BT brands have all sorts of nasty shit added to potentiate the nicotine – like ammonia etc. You want to break the cycle of always having a durrie burning and make it a reward – one every two hours or ninety minutes or whatever. You couldn’t chain American Spirits if you tried – they’re too strong and burn too slow. I had eight one day and had to go lie down in the afternoon. No shit.
Thanks for the suggestion, but honestly, I have never heard of American Spirit. Well, at least not here in the Phils. Perhaps my taste buds or the butterflies in my lungs are so accustomed to Marlboro that it’s the only brand of ciggies that I smoke. I smoke reds – a solid 2 packs a day, sometimes 3 when I stay late at night – but I smoke menthols from time to time when my throat hurts. Marlboro red is perhaps the strongest I have tried. But anyway, thanks, I’d try American Spirit once I see one in the convenience store, just for curiosity’s sake.